Sharing the Domestic Load: What It Means To Be a Working Dad (Part 3)

My Family Care asks Dave: What do you think it means to be a working Dad? How do you think your work life balance will change when your child arrives? How do you imagine you will develop as a person once you become a Dad? 

Modern family dynamics

Ideas about what it means to be a 'man' in the traditional sense of the word have never really interested me all that much.

Must someone be particularly interested in manly pursuits to be considered a man? Must we dress a certain way, like the right manly things and fulfil certain roles in the home? I've never thought so.

Family dynamics are very different now than they were for the previous generation. Both my girlfriend and I work as teachers. We leave the house any time between 7 - 7:30am and are rarely back before 6:30pm. We share all the housework. I am the one who is interested in cooking, so therefore, I cook almost every evening. We share the laundry and cleaning.

The difference between us and our parents

I share these mundane details about our domestic life to highlight the differences between our lives and those of my parents.

My dad cannot cook and never has done. At a push, he can stir things in a pan when heating it up. To my knowledge, he has very little experience using a washing machine. He does clean the bathroom at the weekend though.

My dad is not sexist or a misogynist, it is just that he went out to work and my mum handled everything else, including the kids.

For a new generation of fathers, this is not the way it will be. We wouldn't want it to be. Parenting, like domestic responsibilities, should be a joint venture, and especially so if you both work. How will the fact that we both work full time affect our child? How will the fact that we have a baby affect our ability to work full time? 

What will change once I become a dad?

Certainly, I will have to change the way that I work. I will have to try to get my (already impossible to complete) levels of marking under control so that I can be out of the door by 5pm.

Things will be manageable whilst my girlfriend is on maternity leave, but when she goes back to work, life will change irrevocably.

It is the primary source of concern for me about parenthood. How are we going to drop our child off at a childminder and get to work on time? There is no flexibility regarding the time that you start work in my job. I may have to do more work at home when my child is asleep, meaning less time spent with my girlfriend and more stress for me.

During your twenties, to a certain extent you define yourself by work. You work hard and long hours and are able to do so because you are childless. When you have a child, it is inevitable that the way that you think of yourself changes and work seems less important in the big scheme of things. I have already felt that during the pregnancy.

It's much easier to be selfish when childless

Many people say that becoming a parent changes the way that you view the world. I can't possibly know this until the day that my child is born.

I do know a lot of people who have children and spend a reasonable amount of time around them; I am an uncle twice over and teach nine year olds all day long. Therefore, I feel as prepared as I can possibly be for parenthood... within reason.

When you are childless, it is very easy to be selfish. To an extent, I can do what I want, when I want and for however long I want.

I was on the phone to my dad the other day telling him my plans for the football games I am hoping to attend in the near future. He had to point out that things might change a little bit soon and I may not be able to disappear off to watch mediocre football for a few hours.

The thought of that made me very happy.

Dave Pritchard, Primary School Teacher