From Peer to Peer: The Birds and the Bees (Part 3)

My Family Care asks Jo: Having a discussion about the Birds and the Bees with your children can range from downright embarrassing to almost non-existent. But when is it important to have the conversation, what should it include (where can parents find the right information), and how can parents approach it so that it doesn't end in giggles and misinformation?

Young people relate better to their peers

Advice on Sex Education from parents is important, but peer learning allows young people to learn from others who speak in a language they understand and who share the same social pressures. But for some, the thought of their child learning about sex from their peers might cause concern; how can you be sure that the information shared is balanced and trustworthy?

Healthalkonline.org works with Oxford University to give young people access to hundreds of videos of others their age, talking about their personal experiences of sex, abstinence, STIs, sexuality and contraception. The video content that appears on the site has been checked, analysed and carefully selected to show a range of different experiences so, unlike the videos on YouTube, you know that these can be trusted.

Talking about sex with your parents

Parents too can learn a lot from listening to the experiences of young people. Many of the interviewees who spoke to our researcher acknowledged that talking about sex with parents could be awkward and said that school would be the best place to get sexual health information if it was taught well. But of those who received what they considered 'poor' sex education, many wanted to be able to turn to their parents for advice:

"[Schools] don't tell you details, they just say 'don't get pregnant' and give you a box of Tampax and a condom and that's it, that's all you get," said an 18 year old woman whose mother kicked her out of home after she became pregnant at the age of 16.

"It hurts because like my mum should be there for me, if [my daughter] asks me a question I'll tell her, I won't give her stupid 'Birds and the Bees' [talks], I'll tell her how it is, so she knows."

Preparing your children for sex education

Some of the young people said that they were happier to talk to their parents about relationships than about sex. Indeed, listening to the young men and women speak, there's a sense that many look back on their first sexual experience and think that they weren't prepared for how they might feel about it.

"We had quite detailed explanations about possible diseases that you could get and sometimes quite gory details, probably to scare you into using the contraception. [But] I think they should try and cover the importance of a relationship," said a 19 year old woman.

I'd recommend that parents who are thinking about how to have that all important conversation with their son or daughter visit the website to gain insight into any concerns or confusion that might be going on in your child's head. The clips might provide you with an understanding of the kinds of information needs they might have or a useful starting point for a conversation.

Jo Kidd, Communications, HealthTalkOnline.org