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I have a famous neighbour: Mika. Or at least his mum lives next door and he is always hanging out. His last hit was called "Tu m'ennerve". He speaks French you see and that's French for "you really get on my nerves". He's obviously been eavesdropping. My wife, Madame Noire, has a very French approach to expressing her emotions. "I'll tell you what I think, when I think it" is the philosophy. It's an approach that sits uneasily with my stiff upper lip, don't mention it and it will go away attitude.
Emotionless?
Unfortunately I suspect her approach is right (and just in case she's reading, that counts as an apology OK?). These days everyone is LinkedIn, Facebooked up and sleeping dogs very rarely lie. Why are the English so bad at doing emotions? Possibly too much boys only public school from an early age?
It's the same issue in the workplace especially when it comes to family and maternity. A bit more honesty on both sides would work wonders. Have you heard the one about Eversheds, the regional legal giant that went through a period of getting everything horribly wrong (even if anecdotally it's actually quite good at some of this work/life stuff).
Off Limits
It started when a partner, the infamous Stuart Dutson, asked internally about a female job applicant "how to ask questions… to identify her commitment, hours she is prepared to do, how she will balance work and a child” Another partner took umbrage and it all kicked off. Dutson was vilified in popular press by an array of holier than thou gender champions. But wasn't he vaguely on the right track? I mean wouldn't it be amazing if an employer's ONLY hiring criteria was talent? And wouldn't it be even more amazing if the potential employee could speak about work and family openly and similarly the employer could explain all the marvelous ways it helped employees combine work and family successfully? (My Family Care clients take note – you're already ahead of the game! Sorry, couldn't resist).
Unfortunately it's not going to happen. Even as I write I can hear the employment lawyers gleefully rubbing their hands at the prospect of all those inappropriate questions finding their way into interviews.
But wouldn't, as Reagan and Gorbachev discovered, a wee bit more openness on both sides be brilliant all round?
Ben Black
