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My Family Care asks Rebecca: Bedtime can be a blessing or a curse... is it possible to achieve peace and tranquillity, or are you destined to maintain battle stations in the years ahead? What advice can you offer parents about how to achieve a more relaxed bedtime?
Enjoying a peaceful slumber
I am a big fan of sleep; an absolutely devoted eight-hours-a-night kind of girl. Well, except for the few years when my children deprived me of it. I know that I function much better and am generally less irritable when I have had enough sleep. For me, that's eight hours.
I appreciate that it's not for everyone - my husband doesn't quite get it as he's more of a six-hours-a-night kind of guy, but one thing we do agree on is how important our children's sleep is - both to them and us.
Aside from the fact that we relish having our evenings to ourselves, if either of my children is late getting to sleep, then we all notice the next day. They are grumpy and short-tempered, as well as being exhausted by the afternoon.
Studies show that getting enough sleep is essential for children. Not getting enough can result in behavioural problems and reduced academic performance, and there is also a suggestion that children who are poor sleepers may have an increased tendency to develop anxiety issues and drug or alcohol abuse when older.
Why is sleep so important for children?
The key seems to be having a regular bedtime. A study published in 2013 notes the importance of early development on long term health and that disruptions to sleep and inconsistent bedtime schedules, particularly at key developmental stages, have an effect on daytime functioning and cognitive performance.
The suggestion from this and other studies seems to be that sleep may be particularly important for learning and academic function in children because it is necessary for the fundamental processes of embedding new knowledge, memories, and skills.
A parent's role in encouraging children to sleep
So, if the evidence points us towards the fact that a regular bedtime and good sleeping is so important for our children, what can we do as parents?
Decide when time bedtime will be and stick to it
Remember that, as parents, part of our role is to set boundaries for our children, and that boundaries help children to feel safe and secure. Be firm about when bedtime starts and finishes.
Get into a bedtime routine
Bath, teeth, story, bed has always worked for us. Decide which routine works best for your family and do your best to stick to it every night.
Start young
The sooner you start with young children, the more chance you have that they simply know and expect that bedtime happens, whether they like it or not.
Take a deep breath and be strong!
My children (nearly 6 and 4) still often argue about whether or not it's bathtime, but I take a deep breath and try to divert their attention. Change the subject, see who can get to the top of the stairs first, or start talking about which bedtime story they want to read.
Once they're upstairs, they know there is a routine to what we do, and that if they mess around they will lose their bedtime story. They occasionally go to bed without a story because they continue to misbehave even after I've given them a warning that this will happen.
I'm firm on this because I know that if I don't follow through, they will know that they can just do the same again the following night and before we know it we're on a slippery slope to chaos.
It is hard work, but it is worth it. Supernanny has some excellent tips on this, as well as how to deal with children who won't stay in bed (I have used this for my daughter and it really does work).
Remind them that you love them
In case you are thinking I'm a complete monster, even if they lose their bedtime story my children always get a goodnight cuddle and kiss (and although I might threaten that they will lose this too, generally speaking, if they lose their story, they are then angelic. This was exactly what happened last night after I'd written the first draft of this article!).
Reward them for good behaviour
I am a lover of sticker charts - so my children know that if they lose their bedtime story, they certainly won't be getting a sticker the next morning (and may even lose one if they carry on...!), but if they are good at going to bed, they will get a sticker. Bribery? Perhaps, but it works.
Good luck - and remember that you're not just being mean, you're doing it for their own health (as well as your sanity)!
Rebecca Ford Johnson, Maternity Coach and Mother of two
