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My Family Care asks Michelle: It's OK to be angry... or is it?
Sometimes we lose control
Anger is a powerful emotion that can be hard to contain and even more difficult to suppress. I'm not someone who gets angry easily, but when I do ... it takes more than cup of camomile tea and a vent for me to get past it.
As an emotion, I think anger is a good thing. It means you feel - maybe too much in some situations - but at least you're not emotionally devoid!
In my opinion, anger is ok if you respond to it and initiate change. Usually we feel angry because we feel that an injustice has been committed against us, or against someone we care about. Be that a promotion overlooked, a relationship that wasn't as secure as we thought, or something that has been said in haste or malice.
Anger tends to bubble up from the depths. It's like a kettle; if the heat isn't sustained, we don't reach boiling point - but when we do, we need to let off steam.
One of life's defining moments
I was bullied in secondary school; I did well in my classes and was overweight. To begin with, this included cruel comments in hallways, sniggers in the changing room, and incessant taunting when I aced a test. It brought my anger to a simmer.
However, one evening at a party the verbal abuse took a step up and someone hit me. Without realising it, I hit boiling point. My first reaction was one of shock - and out of concern for my wellbeing, wanting to leave the party - once the shock had worn off, I realised I was angry.
The real question was, what next?
As it was, I saw I had three options:
- Go back to the party and unleash a world of hurt - being honest with myself, this was never going to happen since the idea of hitting someone fills me with dread.
- Ignore the situation - eventually it would go away, right?
- Figure out what it was that really made me angry and change it.
Yes I was mad at the individual who hit me, but actually I was also mad at myself - for allowing it to get to me, and for letting myself get to a stage where I was the centre of ridicule.
Coming to some realisations
I didn't go off and start failing exams, nor did I join a gym and lose weight - what I did start to do was really understand myself. I looked at what made me tick, what I liked about secondary school and, admittedly, I began to count down the days until university.
Getting angry made me realise that there were things which needed to change, like my circle of friends and my attitude, but it also made me realise that I liked who I was - and it didn't matter what other people thought.
Unfortunately there are different ways to let off steam; some people become verbally or physically abusive towards the individual - or inanimate object - that brought them to boiling point. Others need to vent and talk about what's bothering them; some even internalise anger and stew over the issue.
Anger can have detrimental effects, but we can also learn to channel it to induce change - I still maintain that it is OK to be angry. It's also OK to learn from your anger and spark changes in your life - especially if you find the same things make you angry over and over again.
Michelle Barr, Communications Manager at a Research Institution
