Life is a Circle: Reversing Roles (Part 1)

My Family Care asks Ferne: We were all children once, and as we grow up we mature and gain responsibility. Some of us will have families of our own and others choose to focus on careers, but at some point in time the relationships we have grown familiar with change. How do you handle transition gracefully? Where do you draw the line, and what help can you seek if you find yourself struggling?

A journey of dependence

All of us begin our lives completely dependent on others for our survival. If we're fortunate, those others - most notably our parents - have the capacity to be "good enough" caretakers, providing us with the tools to increasingly take care of ourselves and become independent.

Fast forward to the end of our lives - if we're blessed to live to a "ripe old age," most of us will again become relatively dependent on those who are younger for some combination of practical (i.e. activities of daily living) and emotional support.

Each of our roles in life has an arc. As a parent, if you've done your job well, there inevitably comes a time when you realise that your now grown son or daughter is someone you can learn from. In theory, this is a moment for applause; however, it's also inevitably bittersweet as it's a reminder that we are no longer needed in the same ways.

Our job description has changed; for some, this occurs despite their efforts to maintain the status quo.

Change always involves loss

I've worked with many individuals who have struggled with depression and feel somewhat disoriented once their mood begins to lift. Although this may sound counterintuitive, it isn't; the "new" person they're becoming is unfamiliar and, initially at least, they feel as if they've lost something.

However, they're also acutely aware of the benefits of feeling less encumbered by sadness. In other words, as uncomfortable as change may be, there are many positive aspects to it. Of course, this is similarly true with our life transitions.

The shift from more responsibility to less in our personal and professional roles involves the acknowledgment of the passage of time, often a painful realisation.

But there are silver linings...

One of them is the knowledge and wisdom we're privileged to impart to the next generation. After all, one of our most significant tasks as a parent is to prepare our child to thrive without us.

Similarly, a good Manager will gradually encourage his or her team member to take on increasing responsibility, ideally preparing the team member to cultivate the skills required to take over one day as Manager himself or herself.

As mentors - whether as parents or as professional role models - there comes a time when we must take a step back and make room for the next generation, our children and mentees.

If we've done our job well, we can bask in our "creations" and even learn from them.

Full speed ahead

With the advent of dizzying advances in technology, it can seem as if this turnover is accelerated. Automation replaces jobs and can make many feel prematurely obsolete. Our four year olds handle computers more adeptly than we do. If you find yourself prematurely "put out to pasture," find other arenas where your experience and wisdom will be valued.

All of us need to be aware that our roles are transient. Although we sometimes wish we could be at the pinnacle of our strength forever, we know this isn't possible. This knowledge should make us value our achievements even more.

So, revel in your "glory," and be aware of its impermanence; and, at the same time, make room for the next generation whose achievements will do you proud.

Ferne Traeger LCSW MBA, Coach at My Family Care