Daddy Cool: Breadwinners (Part 5)

My Family Care asks one Househusband: We often hear that men are still making more money than women even when occupying the same roles. What changes in a household when the breadwinner is the woman? How do you cope with the stereotypical differences?

 

Being married to a successful and ambitious wife has its pro's and con's...

The most obvious for me being that our traditional roles within the marriage are reversed. When we guys grow up and go through our schooling and university we don't envisage ending up as the Househusband, looking after the kids or doing the cooking. Who knew home economics or plumbing would have been the best suited course option?

As with most couples, my wife and I tend to fall into our roles rather than clearly defining them. We never sat down and set out how this would work; kids came along and we just got into it. It can lead to tensions sometimes, as lines get blurred and various chores are expected but not clearly articulated.

What my wife expects around the house is not what I, as a sane individual, would consider to be remotely necessary. I now have an emergency cupboard for overflow mess - I daren't ever open it...

In my mind, I am the King of the Jungle - but, if timed incorrectly, this approach can have disastrous consequences with my wife!

Taking the rough with the smooth

As with everything, there are positives and negatives. As a career professional, your self-worth is clearly defined in terms of title and salary being equal to reward and job satisfaction; this in turn gives one a sense of self. At home, there's no bonus, no pat on the back or celebratory dinner after winning the deal... An early Gin and Tonic is the best I can hope for some days.

The assumption is that the woman will be the homemaker, so it is interesting to see how people react to my role as a Househusband! I used to hate being defined as 'Househusband' (personally, I prefer DILF). It was interesting when the bank manager realised after 15 minutes that my title on the mortgage application was Househusband, and promptly turned her attention and her screen towards my wife.

Without the validation and social interaction that a job can give you, as a male I must find some form of expressing my self-worth and confidence. Like so many, I have turned to the golf course to find sanity and express my clear superiority - as long as you have a single figure handicap that keeps coming down, you're on the right track. The social interaction and outdoor aspect help occupy my down time and keep me sane - there are an awful lot of worse distractions.

The last time my wife complained about how much golf I played, my sage retired golfing buddy suggested that I should take up Polo. I've never had a complaint since.

An object of envy

I am universally admired by most men of a certain age (under 50) who aspire to my lifestyle. However, women in general aren't quite sure how to peg me.

Although not as rare as, say, 8 years ago, it is still relatively rare to be the Male at Home. Other men who have my hours are the retired old boys at the golf club who cast sympathetic glances in my direction - "Never changed a nappy in my life" is the obvious retort. Other men of my age are the super-successful and early retired looking for the next challenge.

Both make for extremely interesting and engaging company. The latter, after years of long hours and hard work, find themselves cooped up with the wife they never had much time with. That's not to say it's all bad but, as we all know, you can have too much of a good thing and all that.

There are some negatives, of course. It can be quite lonely being bereft of adult company. My wife's average day is 12 hours plus 1 hour each way in and out of the office - and that's when she's not travelling. However, she is the breadwinner of our family and, as one of few senior women in the City, has to deal with her own set of pressures. We are in the fortunate position financially that one of us can stay at home to bring up our two young children - otherwise, why did we have kids?

Count each and every blessing

I do feel that I am in an incredibly fortunate position. I have the privilege of being very close to both our kids during the all-important formative years. We're establishing a bond that will last till I'm old and grey, I hope.

Nothing lasts forever so make the most of what you have. I am a kept man in return, and I love it - just keep the house tidy and my ass in shape.

Be the DILF.

Anonymous Househusband