How to Help Keep Your Teen's Love Life Safe Online

In February our minds often turn to affairs of the heart prompted by the annual card and flower-buying frenzy that is Valentine's Day. It's not all wine and roses, however. For those experiencing break-up or unrequited affection, it may feel as if the whole world is in love - except them. And this can be especially difficult for teenagers, whose emotions and hormones are up and down and for whom all this is new.

So, since Safer Internet Day also falls in February (although no greetings cards marketed for it so far) we've put together some tips on how to talk with your teens about relationships in general and how to have safer online chats in particular.

The relationships charity RELATE has this advice on helping your teen with relationship heartbreaks:

• Keep lines of communication open, let them know they can talk with you anytime that is right for them. Don't put pressure on them to open up when you want them to. Just assure them that you are there for them whenever they need you.
• Let them talk - don't interrupt or judge. Listen and then reflect back (e.g. "it sounds like that felt hurtful for you") so they know you are paying attention to them and their feelings. Make sure that they have finished talking before you consider your response. By letting them know you're actively listening, it can help give them the time to get all their feelings out. 
• Don't rush in to offer practical solutions or overly optimistic reassurances, as this may feel as if you are playing down how much it all means to them. Let them know that you understand what they are feeling is a big deal and that you are there to help however you can. However, do try to encourage them to remember the more positive bigger picture, such as good friends, a family who loves them, hobbies they enjoy and so on.
• Check-in regularly. Let them know you're still there if they need to talk again, whenever that might be. This gives them space to reflect and heal in their own time and to reach out to you when they are ready.

The topic of online safety, sharing information and selfies, and "sexting" can be a worry to many parents, particularly as technology evolves and new apps appear all the time, tempting users to share, and sometimes over-share. Brook, the young people's advisory charity, has a wealth of advice and resources on its website to help. If you feel you need more advice before talking about this with your teen you might find the information there helpful in giving you a background. Or you might prefer to suggest they visit the site themselves, although be aware it is quite straight-talking in its approach and may not feel comfortable for everyone.

Here's Brook's 5 top-level pieces of advice on selfies and "sexting," which you might like to share with your teen.

1. Think before you share anything- whether it's profile pictures or those sent to individuals you're chatting with. Once you send or upload an image or video, you lose all control over it. Everything you share could be sent on or uploaded and potentially seen by anyone, including your friends, family, and total strangers.
2. With apps like Snapchat and TikTok, people can take screenshots and capture your image on their phone. Those messages, images or video could potentially exist forever and could resurface when you least expect it, such as when applying for a job or for university.
3. 'Sexting' is a word used to describe sending sexual messages and photos (referred to as 'nude selfies' or 'nudes'), often using a mobile phone. The word is a mix of the words 'sex' and texting', but can happen on a variety of digital platforms and devices.
4. You should never be pressured into doing or sending something you don't want to, and this includes sexting. You should also never pressure someone into sending you sexual messages or send them sexual messages without their consent.
5. Think about whether you really want to send sexts, or if you're being pressured into it by someone else. Do you feel like you need to because "everyone's doing it"? Do you feel like you have to do it so that someone will like you? If you feel uncomfortable about the idea of sexting, or you just aren't sure - you don't have to do it.

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More advice and information can be found here:

• Safer Internet
• National Online Safety - Supporting Children to Express Themselves (free downloadable guide)

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