Returning to Work After a Miscarriage
It's a club no one wants to join and too often shrouded in silence, but having a miscarriage and then planning your return to work is often fraught with mixed and conflicting emotions. We look at some of the issues and offer advice on how to prepare for a return to work following such a trauma
Staggeringly, although around one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, it's still one of the issues surrounding pregnancy that's rarely discussed. It's not so much of a taboo as something that is passed over, often dismissed as a normal hazard of trying for a baby that women and their partners should just move swiftly on from.
Emotional Toll
Whatever stage a pregnancy is at when miscarriage occurs, be it earlier or later, it inevitably carriers trauma and is very individual to the parents.
Trying to get pregnant over and over and not being successful is an extremely emotional road. It can impact on mental health and wellbeing, as well as relationships with loved ones. Whatever the circumstances, many women will feel raw for a long time after and describe an overwhelming sadness, usually some anger and a sense of loneliness.
There is also often a sense that you are being judged and a feeling of failure which in turn can lead to self-blame, low self-worth and the issue of trying to conceive becoming all consuming.
Responses and reactions to a miscarriage will, of course, vary depending on the person and the stage the miscarriage occurs, but while time does eventually help to heal, it's important to recognise that this can be an extremely traumatic emotional experience.
Be Kind to Yourself
Remember that you are not alone. There will most probably be other women in the office who've experienced the same thing and, if not there will be external support groups that you can contact.
Returning to work might be fraught with a mixture of emotions, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, disappointment, embarrassment, and stress. Sharing your thoughts is a good step to healing and knowing that your colleagues and/or manager understand what you are experiencing is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It might also be that your colleagues and/or manager didn't know you were pregnant, particularly if it happened in the early first few weeks. Every response is different and valid and disclosing what you feel comfortable with is entirely up to you.
Prepare for good days and bad and possibly more of the latter. Grieving allows you to process what has happened and giving yourself time to do so is an important part of moving on and accepting, while not forgetting.
Consider a Phased Return:
Going back to what you left may not be the best solution. Talk to your business about what may be best for both parties. It could be a phased return. An earlier start or finish time or, if you don't ordinarily work from home, a new arrangement in which you work on a hybrid model.
It's important to take time to understand what's best for you and start the dialogue as early as you feel comfortable with your employer to ensure the best way forward is established.
Let's Not Forget This Affects Partners Too...
If you have suffered a miscarriage, while the expectation may be that partners just need to provide support but, it's worth also considering the above for them. It may be helpful for them to get support in dealing with their own grief, as well as advice on how to support their recovery.
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For more information see stillbirth, premature birth and miscarriage charity: Tommy's