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HR and diversity professionals.
My Family Care asks Annik: We all engage in a multitude of different relationships every day, but do we communicate effectively? Learning to speak so the other person listens is a skill that is more than worth its weight in gold. How can people communicate more effectively, with their children, partners, colleagues, bosses?
Going unnoticed
Do you sometimes feel like you're talking to a wall? Like nobody is listening or paying attention? If you wonder how you could speak more powerfully so your kids clean their rooms, your partner takes out the rubbish and your boss considers you for a pay rise, try out the below.
Speak to THEM
If a clean and tidy room is NOT important to your daughter she will only resent you for making her tidy it up. Think to yourself: 'What would it take from my side to get my daughter to tidy up her room?' Would she like an hour longer to watch TV? Have an afternoon at the shops with her girlfriends? It's not about bribery, this is about finding what's important to her, taking her values and acknowledging an exchange of service. The same works for your husband and the rubbish bin.
DO THIS: an easy way to find out other people's values is simply to listen. What do they talk about? What's important to them? Who do they mention?
CONNECT in their preferred way
When it comes to your boss and talking about a pay rise, you may want to consider their gender. From my experience, women like to be appreciated first - men most often want you to get straight to the point.
With a female boss, create a connection first. Tell her how much you liked what she said in the last meeting about company culture or ask how her son's play went. You need to be genuinely interested. Find a common ground to connect with her, heart to heart. For men I've found the opposite is true. Cut straight to the chase and demonstrate with backed-up facts on how you delivered this last project under budget, saving the company money - not only on this occasion but since you started your role.
DO THIS: make mental notes when your boss or colleagues talk about their life to collect genuine conversation starters. Track your successes in an Excel document, it's motivating for you and great to have when negotiating.
Step into your POWER
Commanding attention is very different from demanding it. Be aware of the tone of your voice. To build rapport, by all means mirror your counterpart, but when wanting to be heard, turn-up the volume of who you are in assertiveness - not the actual volume though.
Avoid protective words like 'maybe' or 'possibly'. We tend to fall into the temptation to say things like "It might be this but to be fair it could as well be that...". It is much more powerful to take sides when creating impact and say what you REALLY mean.
Quit people-pleasing, it's exhausting. Always remember that nobody is perfect but your authenticity will go a long way, even if on occasions people don't agree with you - they will respect you for being the real you. Today, there are 7.3 billion people on this planet and there is no way you will ever be loved by EVERYONE.
DO THIS: observe yourself, so you will become more aware of situations that are 'stealing' your power. Create a list of possible action steps to react differently next time.
Annik Rau, Talent Scout and Founder at PONY Express Speaker Training
